Tuesday, February 2, 2010

He needed me.

I  am cheap about certain things, and sheets are among them. I put off buying new ones because there are so many things I'd rather spend money on, and I know when I buy them, it's going to cost me big (I'm cheap, but I won't buy cheap sheets, and I have a king-sized bed.) The flannel sheets on my bed are ten years old. Yes, I know, I'm cheap. I noticed a week or so ago that they were wearing a little thin. So thin, in fact, that I could see the mattress pad through the sheet in places.

So Sunday night, Ben got in bed and promptly put his foot through the sheet, leaving a foot-sized hole where the sheet used to be. We laughed at my cheapness and I promised to buy a new set of flannels the next day. But that reminded Ben of this story:

(Ben talking) When I was a single guy and lived in Shake Rag (a small community of 10 or 12 houses all owned by Mr. and Mrs. Smith, who were like mom and dad to all the single people and young couples who lived in them), I was heading out to Okinawa for a month. Jimmy (who lived in the other half of Ben's house) asked me if he could use my air conditioner while I was gone, so I said sure, and he moved it over.

While I was gone, Mr. and Mrs. Smith came by to check on things and noticed the air conditioner was gone. So they tried the door and found it unlocked (I never locked my door). Now they were really concerned, so they walked in the house to see if anything else was missing. 

When Mrs. Smith saw my blanket and pillow folded in the corner where I slept, she lost it. "Bee-ill, ole Ay-el (his name back then was Al, but being from the south, they said Ay-el) is sleepin' on the flo-er! We've got ta git that boy a bay-ud!" (#1 rule of the south is, if a word is only one syllable, make it two whenever possible.)

At this point, I said, "You slept on the floor? On the carpet?"

He replied, "There wasn't carpet. Just a floor."

Me: "You slept on the hard floor?"

Him: "No, I had a blanket."

Me (incredulous): "One blanket?"

Him: "Yeah, it was wool."

Me: "Thank GOD you married me so I could make you normal!"

Him: "I had a blanket!"

Me: "You were a nutbag!"

End of story: Mr. and Mrs. Smith bought him a bed, and Mrs. Smith made it up all nice with real sheets. Ben said he was amazed at how nice it was to sleep with sheets on a bed. He was like something out of a John Steinbeck novel.

Thank GOD he married me so I could make him normal.

My cheapness paid off too, because flannel sheets are always on sale in the late winter. I found mine today at Target for $15. Uh-huh. Who da man?

Be thankful ~


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