31 Days: Day 22 — How to sound really smart.

Today Ben and I drove down to Richmond to buy a bed. Ours has been gasping its last breaths for a very long time, and we finally decided I had to get some sleep if I wanted to get healthy, which I do. We've been researching this purchase for a while and had pretty much decided we wanted a Sleep Number bed, but then I read a bunch of not-so-hot reviews on epinions.com (my favorite review site) and I got scared. Nothing like a $3000 price tag and poor reviews to make you embrace the old innerspring technology.

Anyway, Consumer Reports recommended The Original Mattress Factory, which makes and markets its own mattresses, so we hooked up the trailer to the new truck (isn't that handy?) and drove down. It took me about half a second to decide which one I wanted, and now it is perched happily in my bedroom where the old bed used to be, and I am enjoying its plushy softness.

So why am I telling you all this? Because the salesman, while he was very friendly and helpful, committed every grammatical sin in the history of grammar in rapid-fire succession, including saying tooken. I told Leah I felt like I was at the wrong end of a machine gun, blinking and shuddering every time another one came out. There were so many English mistakes I can't remember them because my brain shut down and went into survival mode.

Know this: tooken is not a word. It will never be a word. Forget you ever heard or saw it, and never let it come out of your mouth. Amen and amen.

A mini lesson: Here's how to know when to use further and when to use farther:

farther = physical distance

further = figurative distance; in addition to

Your school is farther away than mine. (farther has the word far in it)

After further review, the ruling on the field stands. (a figurative distance)

I detest brussels sprouts. Further, I can't stand spinach. (in addition to what I just said) (You could also say furthermore here)

So, not only can you use the correct word, but you can sound really smart when you explain how you knew which one to use. Aren't you glad you came here today?

Now go forth and impress your friends! And remember, no tooken.

Be thankful ~